Saving You From Yourself
by Wile
Summary: Rodney's driving everyone crazy and only Elizabeth can stop his madness. McWeir inspired by 'Trinity'


_**Disclaimer**: Stargate Atlantis and all things affiliated do not belong to me no matter how much I'd love to say Rodney and Carson were mine._

_Spoilers: 'Trinity' to be sure, but I think that's about it really._

_A/N: This is my first adventure out of Harry Potter fanfiction, so hopefully it's turned out okay. I just loved 'Trinity' too much not to write a McWeir fic. This is, after several revisions, the result. _Please Review! Thanks!

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"Dr. Weir, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Rodney's driving the whole lab crazy. He's trying to do everything at once and it's all chaos!" Radek Zelenka finished his rant with a flourish of hand movements before sitting down tiredly. It was obvious he had been overworked lately and deserved a much-needed break.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition regarded the Czech scientist's points carefully before responding. Several other lab assistants had already filed their complaints, but she had been unsure how much faith to put in people that had it in for Rodney as it was. However, Zelenka's appearance put some stock in the others' claims. "All right, Radek. You've convinced me Rodney's madness has gone far enough."

"Thank you, Elizabeth. But what are you going to do?" he asked in his accented English.

Weir smiled mischievously. "Let's just say I can be very persuasive when I want to be."

: P

"Hey, you!"

A lanky blonde German looked about herself confusedly for a minute before realizing she was the one being spoken to. She slowly made her way over to the person who called out to her.

"Run these numbers through the simulation."

She was handed several sheets of paper and shooed away. The lab was quiet for a moment until Zelenka returned.

"Radek, it's about time you showed up! I need you to . . ." the speaker hesitated briefly. "Hello, Elizabeth," the same voice added a bit sheepishly.

"Rodney," she responded arms crossed and eyes narrowing at Rodney McKay, otherwise known of late as Atlantis' tyrant physicist.

"What, uh, what brings you here?" he asked despite knowing the answer. Although she was staring at him, he refused to meet her gaze.

"We need to talk."

"Right, well, uh, as you can see I'm busy right now so it'll have to wait," he replied, turning back to his work to find that Zelenka blocked him.

"McKay, that's an order," Weir said simply. She turned and left the lab, not looking if he was following or not because she knew he would obey the command.

"Um, Radek, if you could just . . right," McKay cut himself off as Zelenka smiled and gave him a friendly wave.

McKay easily caught up with Weir, but stayed a few steps back as he followed. When she came to a stop suddenly, he finally bothered to take notice of their location.

"Um, aren't we . ."

"Yes, we are." She opened the door and walked in, closing the door once he was in. "Have a seat, Rodney."

"I'd rather not."

She narrowed her gaze on him and he sat. She removed her headset and motioned for him to do the same, which he did with visible reluctance. Weir pulled up another chair and sat opposite McKay. She was smiling ever so slightly at him to keep him on edge, as if he was not enough so already from the amount of coffee he drank that morning. "Rodney, we are in my room because I did not want anyone barging in on us. Hence the headsets as well," Elizabeth told him to clarify.

Rodney gulped, realizing she meant business. He had known Elizabeth Weir long enough to recognize some of her tactics. She obviously had the skills to be a leader, or she would not be heading the Atlantis expedition, but she was also a rather skilled negotiator.

"Look, Elizabeth, I'm sorry for whatever I've done and I won't do it again," he tried weakly.

"Rodney, that won't work."

"I thought not." She said nothing so he spoke again. "I'm going to assume you're not going to yell at me again, if that's fine by you of course." He knew she knew he was trying to buy himself time, but he also knew she knew he was failing miserably at it.

"You're right, I'm not," she replied. In a strangely soothing yet commanding tone she added, "I'm doing this as your friend, Rodney. While I could have ordered you to speak with Dr. Heightmeyer, I realized that it would be less productive than doing it myself."

He rolled his eyes. "Elizabeth, there is nothing wrong. I'm _fine_. And sending me to Heightmeyer would be useless. We all know what happened last time you did that."

She ignored the last comment and focused on the first instead. "Rodney, you're not fine or you wouldn't be terrorizing your entire lab. Even Radek's on his last nerve with you. Now talk to me, Rodney."

"Fine," he said in his usual sarcastic manner. "What do you want to hear: that I'm sorry for blowing up five sixths of a solar system? That I made a mistake? It's not like I did it on purpose!" His voice grew louder, more desperate with each statement.

She had expected an outburst. He would not be Rodney McKay if he did not behave in such a way. What she had not expected was the amount of raw emotion behind it. Rodney was passionate about his work, but the of pain, anger, and general frustration she got from the outburst was new even for him.

"I know that Rodney. And I'm not trying to put all the blame on you. I'm as much at fault for this as you are," she said calmly.

"And how do you figure that, huh?" She easily picked up on the condescending tone. "Tell me, Elizabeth, because the last time I checked I was responsible for what happened." He was begging her to say something, anything that would lessen his guilt.

She reached over and took his hand in hers, which he quickly shunned. "Rodney, I'm the one who gave the okay for the mission. That makes me just as much at fault as you, if not more. If not for my command . . ."

"Is that what this is about? Your guilt?" he interjected, suddenly looking less miserable and more proud than he had previously.

She sighed. "Rodney," she started a bit more sternly than she intended because of her frustration, "I've dealt with that, but it's obvious you haven't."

Quietly, he replied, "Well, that's the difference between us. I just haven't 'dealt' with my guilt yet." He grabbed his headset and stood to leave.

"Or maybe you don't want to," she looked up at him. Although he appeared to be avoiding her, the fact he sat down again and carefully placed the headset back on the table told her what she needed to know. She allowed him a few minutes to come to grips with what she had just laid out for him. When he looked up finally, eyes wide reflecting his sadness, she knew he was ready to talk reasonably. "Rodney, I think it's important that I tell you what I told Colonel Caldwell as to why I was reluctant to agree with allowing you to work on the weapon. It will help you understand why I'm doing this."

"Okay," he said almost inaudibly.

She leaned forward a little, looking down at her hands for a moment in thought. "I know you, Rodney, perhaps better than either of us is really aware. What I've found is that I often have to stop you from hurting yourself. Against my better judgment, I'm afraid that I was unable to protect you in this, and there have been repercussions neither of us could have predicted."

"I could have. I should have," he responded, once again avoiding the look she gave him. "Radek told me what would happen, and I wouldn't listen. I was so self-assured, so _confident_ I could make it work, Elizabeth." He stood and turned away from her, head hung on his chest.

Elizabeth looked at Rodney sadly knowing she understood some of what he was feeling just through association. She walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to go through this alone."

He turned to face her again, and she could clearly see all the emotions written on his face. "How?" he asked in a begging tone. "You couldn't possibly know all of what I'm going through."

"It's true that I can't. But Rodney, I wasn't lying when I said you and Sheppard are important to Atlantis." She inched closer to him, one hand coming to rest on his cheek. He turned into it, but far enough that he was looking away from her again. She pushed his head back to face her and made sure she had solid eye contact. "_You_ are important to _me_, Rodney. I could have lost you. I almost did." She heard her voice breaking, but could do little to stop it at the thought of Rodney almost dying.

"Elizabeth," he started, beginning to understand why their talk was so important to her.

"Please, Rodney. Let me finish." He nodded almost imperceptibly. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself enough to continue. "If you had died as a result of my decision, I don't know what I would have done. We were all fortunate the _Daedalus_ was there. I would have lost more than a scientist. I would have lost a friend and the man I love."

Rodney wiped away the stray tear that escaped her eyes as the depth of her feelings hit him. He swallowed heavily and pulled Elizabeth into a hug that was just as much for his comfort as hers. Her admission affected him on many levels. He always had a great amount of respect for her as a leader, a friend, and as a person. The fact she just told him that she loved him baffled him as much as it elated him. He always saw her as off limits, but she was willing to put herself on his level. It still made him feel unworthy, even more so if he were completely honest. And if he remained honest with himself, he knew he loved her as well.

Several minutes passed before they pulled apart, and it was not until then that Rodney realized he, too, had been crying. It had cleansed him a bit, helped him purge some of the guilt from his conscious. Elizabeth wiped away the last of his tears for him.

"Rodney," she said, but was stopped.

"Elizabeth, don't. I understand," he said, knowing she was going to take back what she had said.

"No, it's not that, Rodney." She smiled at him, realizing what he thought she was going to say. One hand was resting on his chest and she noted the quickening of his heartbeat. "I was going to ask you to kiss me."

The total look of shock that crossed his face made her smile widen. "Please tell me this isn't some kind of cruel joke," he demanded.

Chuckling, she responded, "It's not a joke, Rodney. I really want you to kiss me. Don't tell me you don't want to." She sounded a little unsure at the end despite the teasing tone.

He smiled a bit roguishly. "Of course I want to. It's like every man in Atlantis' dream to kiss you. The fact you're asking me to . . I don't deserve you, Elizabeth," he finished seriously.

"Of course you do. Now are you going to keep talking or are you go . . ." she was stopped mid-sentence by Rodney's lips crashing onto hers. It was not a particularly amazing first kiss as far as those go. In fact, it was rather quite sloppy, but neither one cared. It seemed to sum up the whole ordeal that got them to that position in the first place, so it was, if nothing else, an apt first kiss. And, as Radek Zelenka would soon find out, it was just the first of many to come.

End


End file.
